Virus

As if me breaking Kalten's first Christmas ornament wasn't enough, we got a virus that installed things on our computer like bestfetishsex.exe and completely messed everything up. Paul had to reformat and we lost all of our photos and videos. Yesterday morning the virus scan said we were all clear, so between then and evening, something got in. All I did was look up a recipe for beef gravy.

Thankfully, being the total mom that I am, I have TONS of pics and videos saved on my parents' computer, on flickr, on Walmart.com, on shutterfly, on Vimeo, and on my blog. Now I just have to go and collect them. When Paul told me everything was gone, I thought of all those sites and realized that the only ones we really lost are the ones I didn't think were good enough to upload.

Except...

There was this one video I never put on Vimeo because I didn't want to share it. It was so special to me. Just mine.

And it's gone.

Kalten and I were goofing around, making silly movies with the camera. I flipped the display out so he could see himself and hit record. He started saying "Wii" over and over, and pointing at the Wii. I said "is that all you talk about?" and he turned to me and pointed to himself. "Kalten!" I said, "yes, that's Kalten!" Then he pointed to me and said "Mommy!" I said, "yes, that's Mommy!" Then he got up out of my lap, turned around and hugged me, knocking me off balance and saying "happy!" The last thing on the camera is my face, smiling hugely as I turned the camera off to hug my son.

It's gone.

No, it's not that big of deal. It's so clear in my memory anyway, and there are billions of those precious moments in a lifetime and only a tiny fraction are ever recorded. Most people don't even have a way to record them, and I've got a whole website full with only two years' worth!

But that one was special. It was the spontaneous affection that comes so rarely. It was the one that I was going to pull up on one of those rocky teenage days and play over and over. It was the one that I watched when he was napping and I needed a hug. It was a special gift, and now it's gone.