Saturday, February 28, 2009

Growth spurt

Coen is eating SO much lately. I really think that he has to be growing a lot, but I don't have any way to accurately weigh him. I see him all day every day so he always looks the same to me.

Paul's at our friend's bachelor party. I helped him pick out a bright pink pair of track pants that they're making him wear all evening. I hope they're all having fun - I heard mention of Buffalo Wild Wings and I'm very jealous.

Kalten took a late nap, so he woke up late and I don't know when he'll go to sleep tonight. I usually have Paul take Coen while I get Kalten to sleep, and then he brings Coen up and puts K in his own bed. I don't know how we're going to handle bedtime tonight!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

It's official

We are a family of four with both parents unemployed. Another victim of the "economic crisis."

Monday, February 23, 2009

Gas, ugh!

I forgot how frustrating gas is in babies. Coen fussed and farted half the night, and I couldn't do anything for him. I couldn't believe how much air was in that kid; he should have been flying around the room like a balloon with that output.

So just as Kalten wakes up, Co settles into a nice peaceful sleep and I realize that he's wet through so I have to wake him up again and change him. Ah, the impeccable timing skills of children.

Paul's work is laying off 50 more people. He could be unemployed by the end of the week. I am checking into state insurance for the kids just in case. They have a policy of denying just about everyone no matter what, so if you really want it, you have to fight for it. But of course, I can't apply until he's actually laid off so we'll be crossing our fingers for good health until we get an answer. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. There's not even a guarantee he'll get cut.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Kalten's 2nd birthday is today!

Happy birthday to my special little man!

More Coen Pics

Kalten never did this!
Remote hog
Sleeping like Daddy
Sweet baby

Saturday, February 14, 2009

2-week and 2-year checkup

Coen is up to 7 pounds, 11 ounces now and 19½ inches tall. Yesterday was his due date, and also his 2-week checkup. He's doing great, and really being more alert now. I don't know if he was so sleepy because he was a little early or what, but at his appointment he was so nice and awake! He's the same size now that Kalten was at birth.

Kalten is 34 inches and 31 pounds. We did his 2-year checkup at the same time as Coen's appointment. He'll be two big years old on Thursday! I can hardly believe it.

I wasn't expecting anything for Valentine's Day, but I got roses, candy, and MEXICAN FOOD! Way to go, Pud! I made chocolate mint cupcakes and more cherry crumble bread for him/us. Kalten picked out a box of chocolates for all of us to share. He didn't even know what was in it, he just liked the Garfield and Odie on the front. He thought there was a movie inside. He was just as happy to find out what was really in there!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

One of those moments

A few weeks ago, I woke up with a hymn stuck in my head. I hadn't heard it in a long time, but it has always been one of my favorites.

'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
and to take him at his word;
just to rest upon his promise,
and to know, "Thus saith the Lord."

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust him!
How I've proved him o'er and o'er!
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust him more!

It spoke to me then as I was worried about having the baby at a time when Paul couldn't be there or couldn't take any time off work. I worried about what we would do with Kalten, I worried about the baby's safety, and I worried about giving birth. I was not at peace, not happy, and the first line stuck with me, about being so sweet to trust in Jesus. I wanted to rest on his promise. I was exhausted in every way possible. When I looked up the hymn and listened to it, it was so refreshing to remember that I'm not doing this alone. God has his plan and he knows what he's doing. I wasn't going to make anything change by worrying about it. Releasing that stress was like getting an extra night's sleep.

When Coen was born and we came home from the hospital and everything seemed to go wrong, I lost sight of the lesson I'd just learned. I took everything on myself, refused to ask for help, and because of that I killed my dear pet, I missed out on a lot of chances for joy and thankfulness, and I robbed others of the opportunity to be a blessing and be used by God. What a disaster!

Yesterday I got both boys to sleep, ran a bath, and decided I felt like listening to some music. I chose a cd that I haven't listened to in forever by a band called By the Tree. As I sat in the tub, I started to feel blah again, feeling sorry for myself and the way everything had happened, disappointed in the way I handled it, guilty for forgetting about Pip. All of a sudden, the song that was on switched, and the band started singing that familiar hymn. I didn't even know it was a part of that cd. The track title is called "Wait" and the hymn is in the middle of the song. What a neat reminder of God's faithfulness.

Go here to hear a simple version of the hymn.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Coen's Webnursery page


We told Coen all about you

and he wants to meet you! Now that the weather's warmer and we're all feeling pretty good, we're having a sort-of open house thing tomorrow (Saturday Feb 7) starting at 7pm. If you're in the area, stop by! I'll make some of that cheddar & onion bread I was drooling about a few posts back and we'll have some other snacks and drinks. Call if you have any questions.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Why I haven't updated

Here's a quick rundown of how our lives have been since we came home on Sunday.

We were so thankful that Coen came when he did because of all the time Paul has off work. Well, shortly after we walked in the door, Paul started feeling really sick and throwing up and all that. So he was upstairs being completely miserable, and I was downstairs with Kalten and Coen, being completely miserable in a different way.

He went to the doctor the next day and found out it was the gastro flu plus a sinus infection. He was told to stay away from me and the baby. The house was so messy, Kalten wasn't feeling well and was needing way more attention than he was getting, and I was hurting where my "skidmark" was. I couldn't stop crying, even after I went to my parents' house to be taken care of. While we were there, K got diarrhea and a really sore bottom, and I was so afraid that he had the flu too. I haven't seen any other symptoms, but he still has the diarrhea and I don't know what's up with that.

The next day I realized I hadn't fed my pet sparrow lately, and when I went in her room, she was lying on the newspaper, dead. I feel so guilty about that. She fell out of a tree with nothing but pinfeathers when she was a week old, in a neighborhood with tons of cats. I saw her hobbling around on the sidewalk and knelt by her. She wobbled over to me and leaned against my knee. She trusted me completely. I picked her up and took her to my parents' house, and we put her in a nest outside, hoping some mama would come take care of her. My dad fed her a few times throughout the day and she even spent a night out there alone! The next morning she was ice cold and barely breathing. I brought her in under a warm lamp to see if I could at least make her comfortable. I went out to the garage to check on her later and she was chirping at me for food! We got her a nice cage and fed her a special diet. Her feathers came in and she was so beautiful. I used to shut the cats away and let her fly around the house. She loved to sit on Paul's shoulder and poop. She pooped on me, too, but not as much. She also playfully pecked at our necks and ears. She would sit on Kalten's shoulder and be the most perfect little lady. She never pooped on him or pecked him at all, and he was so gentle with her. He stood so still, and he would pet her with one gentle finger. She overcame so much that should have killed her, only to die because we were so wrapped up in our own problems to notice her starving to death. I cry every time I think about her.

I drove up to see the midwife (my beloved doctor is no longer with the clinic) about my soreness, sobbing the whole way, of course. I guess what the doctor had called a skidmark, she called "a small, shallow tear that probably should have been repaired." It was good to know that there was a reason it hurt so bad and it would heal, but meanwhile it really really hurts.

I got home and couldn't get Coen's carseat out of the car. My dad was at our house watching Kalten and came out to try to help. I guess he unbuckled the base, thinking we would just bring the whole thing inside and figure it out later since it was so cold out, but then Paul came out and showed him the trick to getting the seat out.

The next day was our re-evaluation, and we decided it would be best if Paul stayed out of the L&D ward with all those tiny babies there. He was feeling better but not completely, and now he has tons of cold sores. He stayed home with Kalten, and I took Coen. We woke up late and had hardly any time to get ready. I got Coen in the car and saw that I'd have to scrape the windshield and that I'd forgotten my gloves in the house. I though, well, if I'm going to be late and miserable, I'm going to buy myself breakfast. I really hoped it wouldn't overdraw our checking account. In between the McDonald's ordering box and the paying window, the low fuel light came on, as I was spending our last ounce of cash on junk. I felt lower than low. The cheerful McD employee who took my card said, "how are you today?" and disappeared back inside. "Not good," I said as the window closed over his smiling face. He reopened it, handed my card back, and told me to have a nice day. I felt like strangling him and telling him where to put his nice day.

I bought gas with the credit card, which we've been doing so well on not using, and called the hospital to tell them I'd be late. I followed some slow truck all the way there, going between 45 and 50. I didn't care. I used the time to try to compose myself. I didn't want to melt down again.

When we finally got there, I got in the elevator for the 4th floor. When the doors opened, there was the wonderful nurse who encouraged me throughout my labor and told me how great I was doing. She was escorting some happy couple out to their car with their new baby. I wanted to hold on to her, to send the couple down alone, to hear her say again that I can do this. Instead, I said hi to her and smiled at the baby. It seemed everyone was going home today, their carts loaded with flowers and balloons. I couldn't help but feel a stab of jealousy.

We got in the little re-eval room and the nurse asked how I was doing, and I immediately started crying again. I told her everything as though she was an old friend, when really I'd never met her before that day. I felt so pitiful and stupid. I calmed down enough eventually to talk and answer questions, even crack a few jokes (is he peeing clear? Yeah, clear up into the air). I didn't ever want the visit to end. I slowly packed up all our stuff and went out to the car. I put Coen's seat in the base and got the car started warming up. When I felt it was warm enough, I turned around to open the flap on his cover and saw that the base never got buckled back in after the night before! I had just driven over half an hour at 50-ish with my precious newborn son not even buckled up. I felt like the worst mom in the world.

On the drive home, however, it was so beautiful, and I couldn't help but start to think of all the things that are going right. By the time I got home I felt a little better. I took yet another bath and tried to think positively. I know I'm not out of the woods yet, and nothing will ever bring Pip back or change how guilty I will always feel, but things will get better if I just hold on. God is faithful. Please keep us in your prayers.

Here's a video of Kalten and Coen, sorry it's so dark.

Kalten and Coen from Hey, Dooney! on Vimeo.

Monday, February 2, 2009

A few pictures

There are a few more on our Flickr page, more coming soon!